Lily, the Cobras Are Coming!
by Tyem Marodyor
Summary: It all started with Charlie seeing cobras...and has now turned into a FanFiction story! James Potter owns 57 cobras, and since it's the three hundredth time James is going to ask Lily out, the cobras better work! OneShot.


**Lily, the Cobras Are Coming!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. And that's final.

Lily Evans looked out of the window, bored. She had read and reread this chapter in Charms. She didn't need to read it again.

Suddenly, Lily felt something small hit her back. Then another one. And another one. Soon, a whole barrage of crumpled up parchment balls were attacking her.

Lily whipped around. "What do you want, Potter?" she snapped.

"Will you go out with me?" asked James Potter, looking hopeful.

"I don't think my answer's changed since the last time you asked me this," replied Lily.

"Is that a no?" asked James, hurt in his voice.

Lily turned back around.

"You know, next time she'll have to say yes," said James to Remus, who was sitting beside him.

"And why is that?" asked Remus in a bored tone. He was used to James' optimism.

"Because it's gonna be the three hundredth time. And I'm gonna make it so…deadly, she won't be able to say no."

"Deadly?" repeated Remus.

"Deadly," said James. "It's cobra time."

**.x.x.x.**

The next week was the first week of the holidays and all of Lily's friends had gone home for Christmas. So she was stuck, by herself, in her dormitory.

Unfortunately, this information was in the hands of James Potter.

The same James Potter who managed to get fifty-seven cobras into the school. (No-one knows how…)

And the same James Potter who had been sending Lily anonymous warning about his future cobra attacks.

Of course, Lily hadn't even bothered to read the eighty-nine warnings; she thought they were all invitations to go to Hogsmeade with Potter.

So, she had been warned, she just didn't heed (or should that be read?) the warnings.

Meanwhile, in the boys' dormitory…

"James…this is starting to get a bit out of hand," said Remus, stepping carefully over the cobras that were everywhere.

"So you're saying they're all trained?" asked Sirius incredulously.

"Yep. All of them are from my cobra stables back home," replied James, looking at his cobras proudly.

"Wow," said Sirius. "Can they do any tricks?"

"Course they can," said James. He picked up a long stick and held over the middle of the cobra pack. They all looked up expectantly.

"Dance," commanded James.

Even Remus had to admit that the cobras' dancing was pretty good. Sirius and Peter were mesmerized by the cobras' movement and were soon subconsciously swaying with them.

James waved his stick once and shook his head at the cobras. The cobras stopped dancing at once. "I've trained them well, haven't I, Moony?"

"I guess…for cobras."

"Now, how to get them up there…I think I'll use my broomstick, that way I can carry my cobras. Moony, take Lily to the library for a while, to distract her."

"Why me?"

"Well, 'cause she likes you. Sirius can't take her to the library, can he?"

"Well, no, but he could-"

"Have you seen Sirius in a library?"

Remus shook his head.

"And I honestly don't think Lily has either," said James. "Off you go."

Grumbling and muttering to himself, Remus headed towards the door.

"And don't grumble!" called James. The door swung shut.

**.x.x.x.**

Once Lily had been taken care of, James gathered all of his cobras in his trusty cobra sack and he tied them to the end of his broomstick. He sent Sirius and Peter down to the common room to clear people away. He heard what they said, too…

"COBRAS!" yelled Sirius. "THE COBRAS ARE COMING!"

It worked pretty well. Soon the common room was empty. At the foot of the girls' dormitory staircase, James mounted his broom and flew up to Lily's door. Still on his broomstick, he opened the door awkwardly and landed on the soft carpet inside.

James dropped his broom to the floor and untied the cobra sack. He placed it open on the ground. "Slither my pretties, slither," James whispered to them. Soon, the cobras were everywhere, and in everything.

"Now remember, my darlings, you're not to attack her, just slither around, and scare her, alright? I'll be back darlings. I promise."

He shut the door carefully and put one foot on the staircase. It turned into a slide. James slid down it with a loud, "Wheeee!"

"I've done it," James told Sirius and Peter when he reached the bottom. "Mission Cobra has begun."

"Um, Prongs?" said Sirius. "Where's your broomstick?"

James looked at his empty hands. "Crap."

**.x.x.x.**

James snuck into the library so he could find Remus. He found the table he and Lily were sitting at and snuck under it.

"Hey…hey Remus," he whispered.

Remus didn't hear him. But someone else did.

Lily screamed. "Pervert!"

Madam Pince zoomed over. "Get out of my library," she hissed in James' face.

"Okay, I'm going." James looked at Remus. "You can take – ouch!" he cried, as Madam Pince took hold of his ear to take him out of the library.

James saw Remus nod at him to show he understood.

Once he had been successfully thrown out of the library, with a sore ear to prove it, James rounded up Sirius and Peter. They grabbed some books from their dormitory and sat in the common room, trying to look inconspicuous.

When Lily entered with Remus close behind, she cast James a funny look and Sirius an even funnier one. Then she began to walk up the spiral staircase to her dormitory.

Remus sat next to Sirius. "Padfoot, your book's upside down."

Sirius actually looked at his book. "Oh. I was wondering what the hell Noiivbnqiisnvbi was." He turned the book around. "Ah. Transfiguration."

A loud scream cold be heard, coming from Lily's dormitory.

"That's my cue," said James, jumping to his feet and grabbing Sirius' broom. He took off up the staircase.

When he flew into her dormitory, he dropped the broomstick and ran forward. "I'll save you Lil-"

Lily stood, looking triumphant, amongst piles of non-moving cobras. "Handy things, brooms," said Lily, tapping James' broom on her other hand.

James dropped to his knees. "My cobras!" he cried. He reached out to gingerly pick up a cobra with a bell on a red ribbon around its…neck? "Lily, my beautiful darling, what happened?"

Lily was taken aback. "Did you name a cobra after me?"

"No," said James sarcastically. "I think lily flowers are pretty."

"So you named it after me."

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

Lily gave James a strange look. "You planned all this, didn't you?"

James looked sheepish. "No, of course not. Mission Cobra was all…um…Sirius' idea."

"Mission Cobra?" repeated Lily.

"He he…um…" stuttered James, stalling for time as he gathered the still unconscious cobras into his cobra sack.

"Well?" asked Lily, her eyebrows raised.

"Um…I have to…uh…go now," said James hastily and he picked up the two broomsticks and raced down the stairs/slide. Lily was following close behind.

When James reached the bottom before her, Lily whipped out her wand. "_Diffindo_!" she cried, pointing at James' cobra sack.

The cobras, which were now conscious, began to slither around the room.

James suddenly cried out, "Lily!"

The Marauders, who had just appeared on the bottom stair of the boys' spiral staircase, were expecting James to run over to Lily Evans, who looked shocked at what she had just done. But, instead, James dived to the floor and hugged a snake with a bell on it.

"James…" said Sirius slowly. "You didn't name a snake after Evans, did you?"

"He did," answered Lily.

"Prongs, you're mad," said Sirius, looking frightened of his friend.

"Hang on…" said Lily. She had just worked something out. "Did you release these cobras into my room, thinking that I'd be stupid enough to call out for help so that you could come up and saved me from your tame cobras? Don't tell me that was your whole plan."

James looked around the room. "Of…of course not," he said, trying to smile.

"But, James, I thought-" began Peter, but James hit him with a non-verbal Silencing Charm from behind his back.

Lily raised her eyebrows. "It was, wasn't it?"

"No. I am so much more…original and...uh...crafty than that."

"But Prongs, you told me-" began Sirius, but James hit him with another Silencing Charm.

Lily turned around. "Whatever Potter. Just don't bring those cobras near me again." She began to walk up the spiral staircase.

"Oh, but, Lily…wait!" called James.

Lily stopped and turned around. "What?"

"Well, since I did get these cobras out from you room…can I ask a favour from you?"

Lily sighed. "Fine Potter. I'll go out with you to Hogsmeade next week." Lily shook her head and walked up the stairs. James distinctly heard her mutter, "The things Potter does to try and make me go out with him."

When James heard her door close, he let out a yell of happiness. "Did you hear that Moony? Did you hear it Padfoot? What about you Wormtail? I've got a date with Lily Evans!" James began dancing around the common room, watching his step, because the cobras were still out.

Peter and Sirius nodded mutely.

Remus watched James dance. "I can't believe I underestimated those cobras," he remarked.

"Yeah that's right!" cried James. "NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A COBRA!" He kept dancing.

**.x.x.x.**

**Oh, wow, that was so much fun to write. And to think it all started with me saying Charlie was seeing cobras…hehe, how some things turn out, hey? Anyway, please read and review, you're very kind if you've gotten this far. Or else you just skipped a lot. I hope it was the first one. And if you can't tell, I like cobras. I like them very much.**


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